there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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