Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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