the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
