It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
