hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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