very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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