my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
