I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
