just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
