did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was confusing and full of hummus
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
