Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
