last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
