I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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