I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
