his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
