Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
