i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
