Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
