I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize