Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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