I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
