She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
