I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
