the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
