Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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