just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
