Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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