hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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