trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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