That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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