I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
