I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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