What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
