Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
