Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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