insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize