if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
