afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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