I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
