Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
