be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize