Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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