What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize