Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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