Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize