sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize