She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
