so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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