Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
