I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
