it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
