please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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