You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
