i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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