Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
