so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
