Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize