just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
