i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize