a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
MIDGETS
????
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
