So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
