They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
