My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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