My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
