I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize