I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
