Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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