i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
