hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
