i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
