you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
