Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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