I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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