Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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