i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
