i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize