Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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