You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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