she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
