It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he shaved USA in his pubs
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
