the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
