I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
