i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Drunk is a universal language darling
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