I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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