if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize