I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
