I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
