Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
