im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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