hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
