Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
