YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
