??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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