Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
