so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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