first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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