Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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